ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Synergy= is the creation of a whole that is greater than the simple sum of its parts OR in other terms= the increased effectiveness that results when two or more people work together.
TODAY I did NOT have SYNERGY with the obnoxious and rude lady I spoke to over the phone in regards to getting Malia some supplies needed to help her maintain important physical functions.
Over the last few months I have heard, "Your daughter should be doing (this) at her age", "What's wrong with her (Malia) its creepy the way she just smiles and doesn't always talk", my favorite "Special needs or not that's not an excuse for her to..."
REALLY! ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I fight back tears on the phone today because I don't want the voice on the other line to know I've gone from angry to hurt then just broken :(. For a second (while on hold) I think of 13 ways to hunt, stalk and torture said insurance claim person, knowing darn well that I wont go there but its easier than the tears and the lump in my throat that feels like a lightening bolt to my heart.
I don't blog often (last one was a long time ago). I'm hyper sensitive about writing because its never been a strength of mine but I literally found myself picking up my computer and typing my feelings. It then dawns on me that a year ago THIS week, I received a call that Justin was being transported to UC DAVIS Med Center for what looked like a multi-fractured leg from a horrific hit in football practice. That was also the day before we found out that Mystery Malia finally had a chromosomal diagnosis.
Has it been a year already?
I guess subconsciously I've been grieving Malia's diagnosis ever since. There is just no preparation for finding out what life will be like. Staying optimistic is still our #1 goal. We believe in a power greater than this genetic malformation. We stand together in prayer with our family and friends that Malia's destiny was already in God's hands and we will continue to pray that the Lord uses her.
For a bit more insight... This June marked an annual IEP (Individualized Education Program). It was a triennial so a lot of tests and assessment were performed on MG and the results were glum. I never thought that I would pray for the day that my daughter could cognitively develop enough to bag groceries but it was a blow to find out that based on her 11 years of tests, assessments, MRI's, CAT Scans, blah blah blah... that she will more than likely NOT ever develop past the age of 4, she will never work. She will never live independently. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Ask anyone that knows me well, it was time for me to SHUT DOWN. Then Malia was hospitalized June 22nd for migraines and more seizure activity. That was followed by a world wind of a summer. Malia's birthday, Clay's 14th birthday and a devastating loss of our dear friends son at 18 years of age. I continued to SHUT DOWN... Close and protect my heart from hurt. The out of sight, out of mind continued to work, till today.
I stand humbled by my trails as they are NOTHING compared to those of others in my life. The loss of a son? The loss of a Mother? The new diagnosis of cancer? A family torn apart by infidelity?
AM I SERIOUS?
In writing this I find a way to not focus on my hurt but yet to acknowledge it (does that make sense?). So that I may soon... Learn from it and move on... NOT to shove it down...
-Yvonne (Marty) (Y-Dawg) (Martinez) (Mrs. T.)